I feel it coming on. The empty feeling, like there isn’t anything to look forward to. That almost total lack of enthusiasm for anything. Some call it depression, but I refuse to go there. Right now I feel like Charlie Brown when he said, "Sometimes I lie awake at night and I ask, 'Why me?' And the voice says, 'Nothing personal your name just happened to come up.'"
I look around my house and I realize that it is in the same state that I am. Makes me wonder if I am creating an outward expression of what’s going on inside. And if that is the case, could I reverse this funk by perking up my house?
And so begins the list making (I love to make lists). Some of my lists are filled with things that I want to do, but aren’t totally necessary. Like painting the downstairs half-bath. It’s a very unflattering shade of green and I’ve hated it since we moved in. Then there are the lists that have all the important things. Like scooping the litter box and mopping the kitchen and finally getting all my clean laundry put away.
I have a sewing cabinet inherited from my mom that I started to sand and prime so I could change the ugly 70’s style wood stain to lovely white paint. I started “fixing” it years ago. Last weekend I moved it into the house so I can finally finish it and get the sewing machine put away (it’s too darn hot to work outside right now). That job is on the top of the list I am making now. The only problem with this item on my list is that it seems like it will take such a long time to finish. This could be why it’s never been completed. That cabinet needs to get done so I can look forward to the fun stuff. And get out of my funk. Who knows, maybe just the act of getting busy on it will make the sun come out again.
Charlie Brown also said, "This is my 'depressed stance'. When you're depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you'll start to feel better. If you're going to get any joy out of being depressed, you've got to stand like this." Nope, not going to be a Charlie Brown….at least not today.